(First published on Hoyolab on 19/01/2025)
Yume Nikki is an interesting game, and one in which I found an unexpected parallel to Honkai: Star Rail. It’s a very particular experience putting the player in the shoes of Madotsuki, whose name was only decided due to a limitation of RPG Maker which wouldn’t allow the main character to be unnamed. The goal of the game is pretty much nonexistent, with the player only being able to go to sleep and explore Madotsuki’s dreams, bearing witness to all the strange and seemingly nonsensical scenes in her dreamscape. Themes do seem to emerge throughout every dream, with recurring images and symbols. In light of this, many players then started exploring the dream world with the goal of trying to piece together who the main character may be, what her story might be, and what her internal life might be like, assuming that the recurring symbols and themes are an oneiric reflections of her own obsessions, so to speak.
Many theories have come of this, with a few coming to be widely accepted, while many others remain somewhat fringe. None of those theories are correct in and of themselves. The elusive creator of the game Kikiyama, certainly had an idea of what many things in the game meant while making it. But there is no real confirmation of anything anywhere in the game, which has led to the creator’s own vision to be simply one interpretation out of many, with most of those being equally worth considering. One particular understanding of the game, however, can be rather controversial. Some players have interpreted the main character to be transgender, an idea that is born from objective elements within the game and is compatible with some of the more popular readings of the game. With that being said, the mere mention of this idea has sometimes been met with immediate rejection at the mere concept of trans identity even existing within the context of the game. Honkai: Star Rail is a very different game. Much more figurative that Yume Nikki’s cryptic symbolism, there is an odd parallel in the way both communities can, at time, react to the idea of a trans character, which in the case of HSR would specifically relate to March 7th. As a result, I feel it is worth looking at March 7th, her story, and why trans people might be drawn to her, and reading her as transgender.
As a first point, I would certainly be remiss were I not to mention March's colour scheme, which matches the transgender pride flag. Pastel pink, white and blue. With that being said, it's not a point I will touch on much here, for two reasons. First is, it's also simply a nice colour scheme. It's pleasant to look at, and it matches the game's Oneiric Shards. Hence, it's probably an unintended visual reference, though it's certainly still what Bob Ross would call a ‘happy accident’. Second, I’m more interested here in shedding a light on March’s writing and the themes carried by her character story, and how those themes relate to the experience of many trans people. Plainly put, while the game never says March 7th is transgender, she is thematically trans. We can conceptualise the difference like this: For any work of fiction, there is what the work says and what the work means. What the work says is quite cut and dry, really. This is where the use of the notions of canon and non-canon makes sense: Either something explicitly happens in the story being told, or it doesn’t. What the work means is a great deal more complex, and while it’s still based in factual elements (i.e. what the work says), it is, at the end of the day, purely interpretative. This meaning may or may not be intended by the work’s author (or authors in the case of collaborative works like big movies and video games, an important thing to mention as well since authors are not a hive mind and might have differing ideas on the meaning of their collaborative work), yet it’s still here. There’s no real way to prove or disprove a work’s meaning for certain, unless it is pure speculation based on no factual element of the work in question, which I believe is certainly not the case for the idea of March 7th being trans. Arguably, even in cases where an author comes forward and speaks on the meaning of their work, their interpretation is just one of many, that readers can freely agree or disagree with based on their own interpretation of the work’s meaning, placing the reader as an essential part of the creative process as they actively participate in creating the work’s meaning.
***
'The girl could rock any outfit she chooses, but she was unsatisfied, judging by the dozen sets of clothing piled up behind her.
"Will this be the last outfit for today?"
She thought silently to herself and looked at the girl in the mirror. She looked extra happy on this day.
"Okay! This is me!"'
-Description of the 'This is Me!' Lightcone
***
With this being said, it's only fair to start looking at what the game says about March 7th. Although, we ought to begin with what the game doesn't tell us about her, more specifically. As of the date I'm writing this, March 7th's past is currently unknown to us. We know March 7th as the person she is currently, but we have very little clue as to how she came to be this way. Although, this lack of past does bring with it a freedom: March 7th, from the moment she isn't bound to her past, is free to invent herself in a way that suits her and feels authentic, no matter the reasons for it. This absence of a past is an important element we'll come back to multiple times. Bearing all this in mind, let's first talk about gender euphoria. If the term of 'gender dysphoria', i.e. the discomfort one might feel in regards to how their gender identity is perceived by others and/or themselves, often comes up in discussions surrounding trans identities, there have been criticisms this notion being central to someone being trans. The question being asked in such criticisms is whether or not one of the defining traits of being transgender should be suffering. Rather, some prefer to shift the conversation towards gender euphoria, a feeling of satisfaction and even joy at recognising yourself and being recognised as a gender you feel is fitting to who you are. The mechanisms of this feeling are quite complex, although without any will to be reductive, one relatively common experience among transfems is to feel this gender euphoria through experimentation with clothing. This is of course, as I said, not done with any reductive intent, there’s a lot more intricacies at play than simply declaring 'skirt = girl'. In the context of an often rigid gender binary, such experimentation can be instead very freeing to experience. It’s a first step to finding one's own style with a newfound sense of liberty, and in that liberty, I would argue, lies the freedom of outwardly being oneself. Consider, then, the Lightcone 'This is Me!'. This name, which serves as the last sentence of the Lightcone's flavour text, does seem to play into this idea of gender euphoria. Here, March 7th 'looked extra happy on that day', as she 'looked at the girl in the mirror' and recognises herself. That girl in the mirror, it's her, it's a reflection of who she feels she is. It is, quite plainly, an expression of joy at recognising oneself through self-expression in the form of clothing. This is, of course, not something that solely transgender people can experience. Yet, this is all the more interesting in the case of March’s currently missing and unknown past. Imagine, if you will, that you are perceived, for much of your life, as a person you are not. Your name, the words used to refer to you, they are all ill-fitting, they fail to be anything but hollow to you. To the point that you end up unsure of whether there is anything more to you than this counterfeit shell people seem to perceive you as. Soon, you may start internalising this thought, trying to meet this expectation, and in the same way denying yourself entirely. Eventually, you look back to this time and you struggle to affirm that you ever were anything at all. All those years may seem to you like they never really happened, like you were never there for them, that you didn’t live at all during this time. You find your own past, your own childhood and teenage years missing entirely. What March 7th offers here is an aftermath of this. She finds joy in experimenting, in taking care of her appearance, finding something of personal expression in it. If we wish to read March 7th as transgender, then, her missing past is symbolic of a time where March 7th, the self-proclaimed cute girl, didn’t and couldn’t exist. This missing past is, if we’re summarising this thought, missing because she herself, as she is now, wasn’t here to witness it.
This idea is exemplified in perhaps an even clearer manner in the Lightcone 'Day One Of My New Life'. Beyond the Lightcone's evocative name, it poses an actually interesting question, specifically concerning this idea of March 7th as a transgender woman. 'Do we [click the shutter] to capture the happiness at that moment? Or to capture ourselves at that moment?' While it is unclear who is the narrator for this particular piece of flavour text, there is an argument to be made that, in March 7th's case, both propositions are equally true. There's no doubt that March cherishes her travels, and deeming such memories precious, wishes to keep a trace of the many things she sees. At the same time, the particular moments highlighted in this Lightcone's description are worth examining in particular. They are not necessarily awe-inspiring sights or grand events upon the path of the Trailblaze. They’re more personal, intimate slices of March's own little world. Little things that matter to her just as much as the rest. It’s a basic idea, yet an important one that’s given particular weight here. In choosing what to photograph, March is putting a little of herself in her photos each and every time. What she captures, beyond Pom-Pom, the Trailblazer and her own birthday, is her care for Pom-Pom, for the Trailblazer and for her birthday being celebrated, as well as her own cuteness. This creates a strong contrast between her non-existent past and her present self, which she participates in creating through documenting all those little moments. This only serves to solidify further that remembrance and memories are more than a static thing for March 7th. The act of remembering, for her, is an active part of being herself, and of building a strong sense of self. (This is, of course, in addition to the stated desire she has to keep a trace of her current memories so she won’t forget them again in the future.)
***
'"So happy I got to see Pom-Pom in new clothes today! I like it~"
"Today's my birthday! I'm still as cute as ever."
"Today, I finally finally finally have a junior! Isn't that right, (Trailblazer)?"
We click the shutter many times without thinking.
Do we do that to capture the happiness at that moment?
Or to capture ourselves at that moment?'
-Description of the 'Day One Of My New Life' Lightcone
***
This brings us to a more particular topic: March 7th's name and its significance. Or more precisely, the significant act of naming herself. March 7th, the day she was awakened by the Astral Express crew and began her new life. This name is a strong symbol: Naming herself after the day she was 'born', (it is implied in the 'Day One Of My New Life' Lightcone that she does think of the date as her birthday as well,) highlights its significance for the character. It is the day from which she started her travels with the Express crew, the day she (as far as her memories go) became the cute girl she is currently. This is another act of self-affirmation, of self-creation in a sense. It is doubly so: First by what she names herself after (her 'birth', a moment of coming into being), second by the very act of naming herself. This experience is another that many trans women are familiar with. Choosing a name is rarely devoid of implications. Some choose to keep their given name, for example if it is an androgynous name to begin with. Others choose a name with a pronunciation close to their given name, others yet choose a name in reference to another person bearing it, real or fictional, which might have impacted them in a way they wish to reflect in this name. Of course, this all depends from person to person, and cannot be spoken of in too broad terms. Nevertheless, the act of deciding on a name for oneself, for many trans women, is a significant act of self-affirmation. It gives a sense of reality to the perceived self. Beyond any more in-depth discussion about why we name things (which would have their place if we were specifically discussing the act of naming oneself itself, rather than including it as part of a character analysis,) naming oneself serves a very concrete purpose, namely allowing others to identify who one is. In this way, choosing a name for oneself very simply allows transgender people to affirm their own existence precisey by being named.
With all that being said, I believe no exploration of March 7th's trans symbolism would be complete without mentioning the precedent there is for Hoyoverse characters offering trans narratives. Specifically, I believe it would be necessary here to take an aside and discuss the case of the Prinzessin der Verurteilung, Fischl. This is where I have to confess my own personal bias. Fischl's character and narrative ring particularly true for me, and in this, my own interpretation of the character also reflects this. While I do not believe that what I saw in her story is pure invention, it remains particularly meaningful to me, and I find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable when Fischl is referred to by her given name. (Hence why I will refer to her exclusively as 'Fischl' here.) Thus, please keep in mind that this interpretation of the character (not unlike any personal reading of character narratives) will be subjective to some degree. A good first place to start would be Fischl's 'Character Story 4', which offers us interesting insights into her character. The first one, the most obvious, is the absence of a given name: While she is referred to with that name, we don’t get to see this name, it is redacted. Keeping with the transgender analogy, this would be her deadname, a given name which she feels doesn’t reflect her in the current day and which feels ill-fitting to her. The narration is quite vague as to when this story is being told exactly, (the narration of Fischl's 'Vision' story speaks of her encounters with Bennet, the Traveler and Paimon as not having happened yet, while her 'Character Story 5' mentions her having just met the Traveler) but it seems pretty clear that the events of 'Character Story 4' and 'Character Story 5', are already past at the time of narration, hence my precision that the name does not fit her in the 'current day', broadly speaking. Although, beyond the temporal distance between the time of the narration and the events being recounted, we should note another kind of distance put in place in the framing of this character story. 'There is a story that goes as follows. A long time ago in a place far, far away, there was a tiny little girl.' Fischl's 'Character Story 4' opens with these precise words. Beyond the interesting parallels this draws (Fischl's namesake being the protagonist of an in-game work of fiction, 'Flowers for Princess Fischl',) it becomes a particularly interesting way to frame what is supposedly Fischl's own lived experience if we related it to the theme of trans identity. It is, in essence, the same idea as March 7th's missing past, i.e. a sense of non-existence before transition. This idea endures in Fischl's 'Character Story 5', in which the story of Fischl's past self is described thusly: 'Maybe one day, this story will be written. But that would be ???'s story, not Fischl's.' There is a clear separation between her past self and actual self, the past self being relegated by an unidentified narrator as a product of fiction, of non-existence. There is something to be said as well if Fischl's own name, chosen from a story which she felt rang as true, seeing her own struggles into the struggles of the fictional character. (An interesting mise en abyme, particularly in a game like Genshin Impact which has a lot to say about stories, the way they can interact with History at large, the tension between fiction and non-fiction and our own relationships with stories, themes that are prominent part of many characters and quest narratives, from Zhongli, Yun Jin and Shenhe to Xingqiu and Yae Miko.) With that being said, Fischl's own story is not nearly as positive as March 7th's. A significant part of said character stories highlight Fischl's inadequacy, her struggle to exist and be recognised as herself by others. 'Belittled' by her peers, met with 'gentle words of exasperation' by her parents, Fischl's story is one of struggling to fit in. There is a pressure on her to meet expectations of who she is supposed to be, to stop playing 'make-believe', to 'grow up and put [her] childish dreams behind [herself]…' (See her 'Character Story 5'.) This results in a sense of loneliness and isolation, mitigated by Oz, her story turning brighter only when she meets the aforementioned Bennet, Paimon and Traveler, described in her 'Character Story 5' as someone who 'just like her, comes from a different world'. There's a sense of kinship in those words, of finding and recognising one another and finding comfort in this, another experience many transgender people can relate to. The point is, her isolation truly ends when she is finally surrounded by people who, beyond the distinct person she is expected to be, accept to meet her as she is, to know her as she knows herself.
I don’t mean to go all ‘baby’s first essay’ here, but stories are important. While we do have an ability to distinguish fiction from reality, stories remain important in that, even if they are not documentaries, they help us build a sense of emotional intelligence, and when it comes to topics we lack a first-hand familiarity with, we sometimes still tend to internalise fictional representations as grounded in truth, even if they might be entirely fantastical. My point with this piece is not to offer a Game Theory style analysis about the true meaning behind the character or anything of the sort. It is instead to defend a reading. One that I think is worth consideration, and of which the at times instant rejection is, I believe, unfair. I’m of the opinion that, where media analysis is concerned, it is a good practice to try and consider our own perspective and biases, and how perspectives differing from our own might still hold merit.
As you might have gathered from the section about Fischl, March 7th’s kind of representation is rare. Many narratives surrounding trans identities emphasise hardships, because for many trans people, those hardships are very real. Trans joy in stories is rare, and precious. March 7th’s identity is never brought into question, her agency and autonomy is never challenged. Her story is not about alienation and isolation. It’s about all the good that can come from journeying forward. And for trans people who might recognise their own experiences, emotions and struggles in her own, that is something precious. And it’s something that simply makes sense.
(Edit - 31/07/2025 - Reworked the intro for brevity and, hopefully, clarity. Reworked the conclusion for clarity.)